idyll: george michael country

on various strolls through golden gate park recently i was struck by the similarity of some of its wooded areas to hampstead heath, complete with cruisey glances and shifty-looking men emerging from patches of bushes and undergrowth - i was reminded of the last occasion i visited that rural oasis to the northwest of central london

back in june a friend of ours was over from singapore and one weekday afternoon we decided it was the perfect day for a stroll on the heath which was a short drive from our pokey little baker street flat

so off we drove to spaniards drive, parked near kenwood house and ambled down a meadow towards a large duck pond, basking in the warm day, taking photos and watching the ducks and swans that were gliding around in the water - half an hour later we were crossing over the road at jack straw's castle and heading for the part of the heath that drew us to it like moths round a light - the 'you-know-where-and-what-goes-on-there-but-we-won't-mention-it-in-mixed-company' part

it was mid-afternoon so the post-work crowd hadn't started turning up yet and we wandered around going deeper into the woods with a growing feeling that we hadn't the faintest idea of where we were heading or how we would find our way back - a few stray men were making their own solitary circular routes around the criss-crossing dusty footpaths which cut through the long grass and trees, making sure that they didn't make eye contact with the three of us - as they passed out of view behind us, we exchanged meaningful glances with each other and smiled in that 'we know what he's up to' raised eyebrow kind of way

at length and to my great relief we emerged into the wide open space of golders green park where we had a late lunch surrounded by a large contingent of well-off jewish grannies who were enjoyng afternoon tea and a gossip in that accent which is as entertaining to listen to as the new york jewish accent

we headed back the way we had come - by this time the woods were getting a bit busier as people started drifting in after finishing work for a little light relief before going home for tea - a couple of times we witnessed that classic manoeuvre of one guy stepping out from behind a bush followed after a discreet minute or so by another emerging from the same patch of undergrowth and walking off in the opposite direction displaying the same sheepish expression as the first one - so obvious to anyone that it rendered the phrase 'who do you think you're kidding, honey' quite redundant

as we were walking back past these outdoor pleasure-seeking individuals i thought of how myself and my two companions amused each other by poking gentle fun at what we were seeing and that, given the right circumstances, ie. that any one of us were there on our own and had cruised the appropriate guy, we too would be heading excitedly towards the nearest convenient patch of cover with our hearts beating faster and our adrenaline pumping in that anticapatory way, when our bodies are preparing us for a charged sexual encounter - some time later, ourselves and our temporary partners would separately, and with an appropriate space of time between us, emerge and walk off in different directions, adjusting our belts and outer garments and hoping that nobody had noticed and was not amusing themselves at our expense

two outdoor pleasure-seeking individuals head off into the woods...