three foolish drag queens

six christmas's ago on a visit to my friend patrick during the 2000 festive season, he asked me to paraphrase or whatever a christmas carol that he, his deputy and his head could sing in drag during their school christmas concert - after farting about with a number of suitable carol lyrics i wrote this, which i now resurrect in the spirit of 'stand up australia' and all those comedians who ever died in a major way to the delight of hecklers and vindictive drunks in the variety wilderness of that great british institution, the northern working men's club

to be sung to the melody of we three kings of orient are

We three queens of Orient are
Travelling in our 40D bras.
Field and fountain
Moor and mountain.
Our camels run on four star.

CHORUS: Oh my corset's getting far too tight.
Will it last another night?
Straps are aching,
Elastic's breaking,
Flying off into the night.

QUEEN ONE:
Here's a gift that's fit for a king -
A pair of fake gold clip on ear rings.
Looped and dangly,
Very handy
When you need extra curtain rings.

REPEAT CHORUS:

QUEEN TWO:
Frankinscence? It makes me feel sick.
Smokey fumes are far too thick.
Smells I can't handle,
So try scented candles
Or a couple of old jos sticks.

REPEAT CHORUS:

QUEEN THREE:
Myrrh's a perfume I couldn't find.
The Christmas rush just passed me by.
Queues intensive,
Too expensive,
So make do with Calvin Klein.

REPEAT CHORUS:

QUEENS IN UNISON:
Don't we make a glorious sight,
We three queens lit up in the night?
Out on a bender,
Stockings, suspenders
Hiding our cellulite

REPEAT CHORUS:

Copyright - Superfandango Git Productions Inc. 2000
(if you can whistle it, we'll make it hum)